I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
Added by Lucian Velea
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If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

quote by Mitch Hedberg
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