Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

quote by Henny Youngman
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I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

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She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

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I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

quote by Henny Youngman
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While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

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My wife is a light eater ... as soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

quote by Henny Youngman
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