How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

quote by Henny Youngman
Added by Lucian Velea
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

quote by Henny Youngman
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My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

quote by Henny Youngman
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

quote by Henny Youngman
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If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

quote by Henny Youngman
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When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

quote by Henny Youngman
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This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

quote by Henny Youngman
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

quote by Henny Youngman
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

quote by Henny Youngman
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My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

quote by Henny Youngman
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