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Henny Youngman

Take my wife... Please!

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She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

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My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

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You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

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She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

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When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

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You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

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