Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

quote by George Carlin
Added by Lucian Velea
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What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

quote by George Carlin
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

quote by George Carlin
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

quote by George Carlin
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

quote by George Carlin
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Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

quote by George Carlin
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

quote by George Carlin
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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

quote by George Carlin
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The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

quote by George Carlin
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

quote by George Carlin
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