Electricity is really just organized lightning.

quote by George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

quote by George Carlin
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

quote by George Carlin
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

quote by George Carlin
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

quote by George Carlin
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

quote by George Carlin
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One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

quote by George Carlin
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

quote by George Carlin
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

quote by George Carlin
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

quote by George Carlin
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