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George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask "Why?". Some people dream of things that never were and ask "Why not?" Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

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The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I

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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward 'I'm such a klutz' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

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Wouldn't it be weird if the only way people could die was that their heads suddenly exploded without warning If there was simply no other cause of death One day you'd be sitting there having a hot chocolate, and suddenly your head would explode.

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You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanta, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

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George Carlin
George Carlin