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Wilson Mizner

You sparkle with larceny.

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Failure has gone to his head.

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Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

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The first hundred years are the hardest.

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God help those who do not help themselves.

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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

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To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

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I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

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