My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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My cousin is gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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