My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

classic quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Simona Enache
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
Added by Lucian Velea
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