The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

quote by Dave Barry
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There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

quote by Dave Barry
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

quote by Dave Barry
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

quote by Dave Barry
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For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

quote by Dave Barry
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Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

quote by Dave Barry
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

quote by Dave Barry
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I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

quote by Dave Barry
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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

quote by Dave Barry
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Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

quote by Dave Barry
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