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Roseanne Barr

Excuse the mess but we live here.

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I was completely nuts for most of my life.

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The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

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It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

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I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

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I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.

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The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

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My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

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I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

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Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

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