I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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