When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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