Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
quote by Rita Rudner
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
quote by Rita Rudner
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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
quote by Rita Rudner
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
quote by Rita Rudner
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
quote by Rita Rudner
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
quote by Rita Rudner
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Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
quote by Rita Rudner
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Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
quote by Rita Rudner
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
quote by Rita Rudner
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
quote by Rita Rudner
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