I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

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I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ''Get the hell off my property.'

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

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