My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

quote by Henny Youngman
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If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

quote by Henny Youngman
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

quote by Henny Youngman
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If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning,....sleep late.

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My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

quote by Henny Youngman
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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

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My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

quote by Henny Youngman
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A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

quote by Henny Youngman
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

quote by Henny Youngman
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