Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

quote by George Carlin
Added by Lucian Velea
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

quote by George Carlin
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

quote by George Carlin
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At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

quote by George Carlin
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Weather forcast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

quote by George Carlin
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

quote by George Carlin
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

quote by George Carlin
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

George Carlin in Napalm and Silly Putty
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When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

classic quote by George Carlin
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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

quote by George Carlin
Added by Lucian Velea
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