A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.

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Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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