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Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

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Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

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