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Art Buchwald

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

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The best things in life aren't things.

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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?

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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.

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Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

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This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

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Art Buchwald
Art Buchwald