Latest quotes | Random quotes | Latest comments | Submit quote

Steven Wright

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

quote by Steven WrightReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Share

A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here.

quote by Steven WrightReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Share

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you'

quote by Steven WrightReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Share

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

quote by Steven WrightReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Share

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

quote by Steven WrightReport problemRelated quotes
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Share
 

<< < Page / 13 > >>

If you know another quote, please submit it.

Search


Recent searches | Top searches
Steven Wright
Steven Wright