Ticking Clock....
Overwhelmed.....just need a place to sit....
the thoughts in my mind,
well....they just won't quit!
Funny how a clock can grab my attention,
you know.....
the kind with the seconds...
counting down.
As I loose my mind in thoughts of the day,
that click...the seconds....
I have to weigh...
I'm here...
I'm now...
then seconds are clicking....
So I have a thought.
Why am I wasting now?
Just how do I love this second?
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poem by JAR Poet
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The Pain
No matter how hard I try not to feel
no matter how much I hate you
Everyday is my own personal battle
I just can't understand
I'm trying to live my life
I'm trying to make the best of what I'm given
All I can do is cry
just cry
My stomach aches with the worst pain.
Suffer and suffer
again and again
I'm not coming at this from a victim role
life is punching and punching
so out of control
I will go to sleep to meet the next day,
I will be hopeful
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My mind will prevail.....
These thoughts,
I keep fighting.....
as if it's not in my control.
What I realize now,
my life......
It's up to me.
This tired, chained up person.....
I was always free.
Locking away my inner beauty...
tiring down my beautiful soul....
I am worth it,
I do want more.....
one foot in front of the other,
my mind I control.
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To Manage my Beast!
Focus.....
drive.
Inside,
STRIVE! ! !
With every blow,
soon after a rainbow :)
Beyond all the trife,
beyond being a wife....
Deeper in a soul,
a feeling of wanting to grow.
In a world...so different from my beliefs..
the people...the language they speak...
It is time, for me, to be who I am....
not for the world that plays..plays by hand.
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Disturbance
Where I come from,
people are lost....
cut each other down,
at all cost!
Should I stay and make amends,
leave,
live my life? Pretend?
I have not energy to make things right....
no guts in my soul too fight....
However,
deep,
deep,
inside....
My selfish feeling too....
make things right.
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poem by JAR Poet
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Jealous?
I know I'm pretty,
not to be vein...
I know if we play,
it's me that will gain.
I'm not dark,
not self absorbed...
It's my own life...
I cannot afford.
Just when do they see
past the flesh of me?
Just when do I truly
get to be me?
I can be dressed up,
I can be not dressed...
But it's my insides dear...
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My choices
I have to self doubt....
inside, I just scream and shout!
I want to let you in,
I want my life to re begin........
something keeps holding me,
my thoughts, my memory!
I finally break my walls...I want to love...
feel it all!
So broken,
unable to breath...
not you..no..
just me: (
I can pick you apart and take your soul,
my insides...no...you can never know......
am I too gone to see the truth,
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Watch me!
I am an open book you see,
turn the pages look at me.....
So disturbing this game that you play,
not so smart at the end of the day.
I see through you can't you see,
what part of you isn't me?
Play away, look and see....
so far, so far, you will always be.
Don't mistake my open book,
look deeper inside....for me you mistook.
Thinking always...that is truly me...
my desire is truly to be free...
my book is my own...you will never write my story,
oh...I know...you think its for glory.
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Watching You Loose
Part of me is excited to see you start from scratch
to see what its like to choose this over that
I see you being broken down
you still smile
act like you are cool in town
But maybe you need to look beyond labels
maybe its time to turn your tables
I just want you to see what I have seen all along
a place of material it's just wrong
Our hearts, our souls, our strengths the things we know
that is what is true
let it beat inside of you
I have to see it
or we are through
I hope you grow
I hope your soul can take the truth
it's not your youth
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It's not the stuff......
I offer to help
organize your world,
a simple offer....
your response...
To buy! !
To let you know,
a gift,
is not a payment....
nor an obligation....
a simple smile is enough.
You see,
for me,
it's not the stuff.
I've had everything I've ever needed.
Even more so that I've ever wanted.
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