I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

quote by Bob Hope
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!