You Are My Christian Grey

Of, from, or like God or a god.
DIVINE..
The only word that comes to me when I think of you
Divine.
Relieved actually you are truly one of a kind.
You make me smile
You make me cry
But most of all you have me beguile

Your intriguing gaze
He takes a step towards me wearing his sexy predatory look
You have me in disbelief
YOUR Smile... so lare
I am in trance
'IF U WERE MINE....oh my wat would I do to be his.
.....DESIRE!
As I gaze I am in awe.. astonished by his beauty
He sticks out his tongue as if to say he notices me
Reluctantly our eyes met..I marvel with despair
What. Are. You. Doing. To. Me?

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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Death Is Calling At My Door

Death is calling at my door,
Knock Knock not another joke.
This time I'm actually scared.

The call of death is at my door,
Knocking..... Knocking.....
Awaiting an answer,
My body gets cold as I start to shiver.
All sorts of things are happening to my body,
Not accustom to it; it got me worried.

I am feeling like I am going to die,
I don't. I want to stay alive.
I don't know what it is,
For all I know it could be a disease.
I spoke to my mother who said it is normal and I am alright,
But the symptoms I am getting insist to pry.

The knocking on the door becomes more as I go closer.
I want it to go away let me live to see another day.

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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Lesson Learnt

What now? Where do we go from here?
Eyes filled up with tear.
Lesson learnt,
Be extra careful because you call still end up burnt.
It's my fault so I can't play the victim,
Was given clear signs and I chose to ignore them.

Should I do as you say and 'LEAVE'?
I don't want to but you have already decided for me.
I am going to crawl back into my shell,
I think this love thing seems harder than hell.

In the mind of others I tried to paint a good picture.
Now it's ruined so I have to allocate the eraser.
I am doing my best to pay no mind to my feeling,
Because if I do I'll realize how much I truly miss him.

You are my light and now you are gone,
Please do say what else can I do,
I really want to stop this disaster from coming true.

poem by Anita Khelawan
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My Love Fantasy (I am ready for love)

I'm ready for love but love is not ready for me
How come this wasn't suppose to be
Be free, happy but not lonely just loving truly
I am ready for love so ready for love........
Love is what I am
Playing back in my mind is this for real this time
I am ready love so so ready for love
For deep in my heart I found that special one
What's his name? ? ? ?
That's not important but i am so ready for love
Thinking about how much love I have to give to that special person
Thinking about how he makes me feel inside
I felt as if I could just cry
Crying is not my specialty
But thinking about him brings tears to my eyes
Because honestly he makes me happy
Sometimes I ask myself 'WHY? '
WONDERING WONDERING
All I can say is I Love Him.
I am ready for love.

poem by Anita Khelawan
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A Lie

Apparently there are things I don't even know about myself,
I guess there is someone other than me who knows me best.

Accusing me of lying,
Even went further as to call me a liar.
Saying things that has no relevance,
Hiding behind 'I told you in confidence'.

And you foolish enough to indirectly believe them,
You took it upon yourself instead of asking me a question.

I understand that you are hurt,
But remember there are evil people who take pride in dragging your name through the dirt.

Why lie to the ones you love?
Why keep things from them?
I could never answer for I am the victim.

Now you realize the outcome,
And still you refuse to tell me what's your problem

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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It's Over

It's Over
No more Djalo, no more Anastasia.

It's Over
What happen to 'baby don't leave'?
It's Over
I guess you had enough of me

It's Over
Wanted us to last forever.

It's Over
I have to be strong
It's Over
You know I won't pull it off for too long.

It's Over
I will never recover

It's Over

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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Comforting Words

Branded with a smile.
I am a delusion in disguise.
People have a tendency to like my vibe,
And you are lead to believe everything is alright.
My life seems all hunky dory.
But do you know I've got problems and worries.

Feeling like a failure to my father,
Don't know if I'll ever recover.
The expectations are high,
All I wanted is for you to empathize,
Just for you to say everything is alright.
I need, not to hear your well rehearsed criticize.

I know I have disappointed.
A million and one reasons to explain my incompetence.
But to you it is a set of nonsense.
Making new rules and sanctions,
As if they would solve the problem.
So much weights on my shoulder,

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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Puzzled!

Many dreams and aspirations
Stop dead in my tracks I’ve lost my inspiration
Incidents I question
Where to go now I have no direction
You don’t trust me why am I still here
Beautiful as the sun I’m blinded by your glare
Having a hard time writing
Sleepless nights I stay up crying
Things I rather not address
Short come circumstances my life is in a mess
Maybe I should give up
Momma didn’t raise a quitter
But she said I’m a people pleaser
We were lovers, had break-ups, we’re the very best of friend
Wrong choice of words no more do-over’s only the end
In terms of my emotions I tried to be cautious
Now you tell me (what you feel) I stick around probably because of my conscious
Sigh …… I don’t what else to do
Time for me to stop believing; fairy tales don’t always come through

poem by Anita Khelawan
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The End

This is it.
I have never been so jealous in my life and unfortunately,
It worked against me.
Trying to hold on to the little that I have,
But what can I do when in my heart your name is carved.
I told you that I love you,
Ad you see that I do.
You tell me you love me more,
Then why does it seems easy for you to close the door? ? ?
Maybe it's overdue...don't know.
Now it's out there in full view.

I do not want your sympathy,
I need you empathy.
Just enough for you to change your mind.
Promise to do you right all the time.

You say this is the end,
I think I just became a little less than a friend.
Sorry for the short come circumstance,

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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Betrayal

Betrayal is the name of the game,
It do not necessarily happen to the rich and the fame.
I was made an example,
Like a slave shackle and bundle.

My betrayal was not like the one we see and hear on T.V
No my betrayal was conducted discretely.
Words I thought I would never hear like Remove Me, Don't call me.
My facial expression, my body language and my brains wasn't functioning coherently.
These words derived from an heated argument,
I held my tongue and said little

My facial expression was vociferating
My body language was just a longing for sleep
My brains was not yet conspicuous

Some might not calling my calamity betrayal.
But I do, shocked maybe,
But my I am not feeling empty.
The love is still there

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poem by Anita Khelawan
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