When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.

quote by Ryan Stiles
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I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.

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If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.

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That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.

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I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.

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You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

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What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.

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I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.

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I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.

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