I was and still am a fool.

I once met an old man who used to sit by a pool.
He'd look up as I passed and would murmur: '..oh, you fool.'
I used to think he was mad, or maybe I was in denial then.
I thought he was wrong; that I could never escape g-d's master plan.

I ran and I ran and hoped that my lungs would burst.
I'd trudge and stumble along, ignoring that thirst.
The thirst inside me that said I wanted a different life to lead;
One that was good and wholesome and contained none of this world's greed.

And then I became caught between two worlds; one neither here nor there.
I'd run and I'd stumble, look around and murmur: 'this is..where? '
I could never tell if it were better to mess a room up more in order to try and make it once again neat,
but I suppose once you start, you can't stop -because if not you'll realise you'll never really be complete.

poem by Mandy Lee
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I thought it was a gift.

They told me it was a gift;
they told me and I was so glad.
I put my heart and soul into it all,
cried tears and sweat so many beads of my own metallic crimson blood.

I gave it all; I thought it was a gift.

I worked longer than anyone I knew.
I worked harder.
I gave up so much more, I did so many things, all at the same time;
just so I could please them. I put their needs and wants over mine.

I gave it all; I thought it was a gift.

I thought that this was what they called fate,
I thought that this was what they called destiny.
I thought that I'd been given a gift for good.
I thought that gifts were supposed to bring joy, and happiness, and peace.

I gave it all, all because I thought it was a gift.

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poem by Mandy Lee
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Just wait a little longer

I came so close to breaking down,
so close to losing it all.
I never thought that this I'd say,
But please catch me when I fall.

For so long I've been running away,
afraid to face my fears.
And now you've come and picked me up,
and wiped away my tears.

If only you could see,
just how far I've come.
The person I used to be,
and the person standing here...right now.

So could you wait a little longer,
for the sorry I wish to say.
For only you could ever know,
how much it hurts this way.

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poem by Mandy Lee
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The reasons why people lie.

Parents tell their kids that faeries exist
because it makes it easier to smile.
They hide them from the truth
because it makes life seem more worth their while.

If you are the sum of your beliefs,
then what they are doing is not wrong.
It seems wrong to live a lie,
but people's spirits are not that strong.

Spirits broken can be remade,
but they tend not to be the same.
There is truth in the saying,
that the truth itself cannot be tamed.

To wrestle a lion with bare hands,
is to hold fire in your grip -
to feel it burn and sear skin right off;
to feel the lash of truth's harsh whip.

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poem by Mandy Lee
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What do you know of the Truth?

You think that I'm an angel,
but you're thinking of the light.
Your facts may not be wrong,
but the truth is still not quite.

The story you've been told.
Is less than half of what you've seen.
It is better that you don't know,
of who I am and where I've been.

The truth is an ugly thing,
though some prefer it's gaze.
There are things that are still more palpable
when they're hidden by a haze.

The truth you may want to find,
I'm not saying that that's wrong.
But I'm just saying I'm not sure,
that even you are that strong.

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poem by Mandy Lee
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Writing for a past me, so that she might leave in peace.

There are days I write for a past me; a me hiding within this shell beneath a mask; a me that pushes my back against these cavernous wall, hoping, secretly, that they would finally cave in. The death of the person I used to once call me, hiding in there now, might be the best thing to happen yet.

She whispers in her tormented sleep that she's sorry. -For the aches, the pains, the hurt, the loss; that she would take it back if only she could, but hopes nonetheless that the more painful lessons of life have taught me well and remain with me still. She won't ask me to mourn her loss, as much as it hurts her to have her unremembered, but I see it in her eyes and mine that there will be days that I troupe back to pay my respects to this fountain -This fountain that learned to spill blood and sweat and tears amidst guilt, hard work and grit; I will remember it even as it splutters its last.

Perhaps I might consciously learn to forget, but somehow I feel I will spend days waking to find mementos picked up in my half-wandering sleep.

poem by Mandy Lee
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Poem in a Prayer

Many times I feared,
that it was you that I had lost.
And then I soon find out,
I was too engrossed.

With myself alone,
was all that I could think.
Strange to say it was these thoughts,
that brought me to the brink.

You've seen me break apart,
And fall to pieces at your feet.
In this vicious cycle,
It's almost my way to greet.

My memory is a bad one,
for times that were great.
Always seemingly so empty,
like a grey blank slate.

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poem by Mandy Lee
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Simple words just don't say it

Which one of us puts up the wall,
is it me or you?
Did I do something very wrong?
Just tell me what to do.

You act as if it's all okay,
but do you care either way?
I thought that we were friends,
if I knew what I was doing wrong,
I'd gladly make amends.

But then your tone is harsh,
you shun me far away.
Am I just a playmate?
I question everyday.

We used to be so close,
now we're near and yet so far.
Now you've got me thinking,
is this what friends really are?

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poem by Mandy Lee
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