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William Thomas Goodge

A Bad Break

The preacher quoted, and the cranks
Among his congregation smiled,
"How sharper than a serpent's thanks
It is to have a toothless child."

He saw he erred, his eye grew wild,
He frowned upon the mirthful ranks:
"How toothless than a serpent's child
It is to have a sharper's thanks!"

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Ough''A Phonetic Fantasy

The baker-man was kneading dough
And whistling softly, sweet and lough.

Yet ever and anon he'd cough
As though his head were coming ough!

"My word!" said he," but this is rough:
This flour is simply awful stough!"

He punched and thumped it through and through,
As all good bakers dough!

" I'd sooner drive," said he " a plough
Than be a baker anyhough!"

Thus spake the baker kneading dough;
But don't let on I told you sough!

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The Melodiuos Bullocky

'Tis of the Wild Colonial Boy [Come out of that saplin', Rat!]
Brought up by honest parents [Now, Strawberry, what are yer at!]
He robbed them lordly squatters and [Whoa Diamond! Dam yer hump!]
And a terror to Horsetralia [Now then, Nugget, you mind that stump!]

'Twas at the age of seventeen [Gee back there, Dimple! Gee!]
He never [Way there Baldy, [sich a cow I never did see!]
He was his father's only son [Gee back there now, Rob Roy!]
And fondly did his parents love the Wild Colonial Boy!

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No Choice

'When I was a kiddy and away out-back,'
Said the man with the salt-bush lingo.
'My dogs, two cattle-dogs, grey and black,
They gets fair on to the blinded track
Of a walloping great big dingo!
The savagest beast in all the pack -
Oh, he was the real old stingo!'

'They rounded him up till he climbs a tree
And of course he was mighty glad to.'
'Hold on,' says I, 'for I never did see
A dingo yet as could climb a tree
And I've seen 'em run real bad, too!'
'You can say that beast can't climb a tree?
By the holy smoke he had to!'

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The M'Camley Mixture

Jack M'Camley,
Lank and long,
Ox-persuader,
Billabong.
Bluff and hearty
Sort o' party,
Got the "blanky" habit strong!

Says the parson,
Bright old bird,
"Why'd you use that
Horrid word? -
(Jack looked grinful) -
Not say sinful,
But most vulgar and absurd!"

"It's the blanky
Church, betwixt
You and me, that
Got me fixed!"

[...] Read more

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Two Men and a Maid

Two little dudes from the George-street block,
Up for a brief vacation!
One little girl in a neat print frock,
Maid of the Mulga Station!
Two little dudes with walking-sticks,
Two little heads that the collars fix!
Two little hats at nine-and-six,
Two little dudes on a station.

One little maid with a bashful smile,
Given for a salutation;
Two little dudes of the nan-nan style,
Bent on a captivation.
One little maid with a smile so true,
Curly hair of a nut-brown hue;
Eyes of a liquid violet blue,
One little maid on a station.

“Didn’t she fear her walks to take
Over the grassy clearing?”

[...] Read more

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A Snake Yarn

"You talk of snakes," said Jack the Rat,
"But blow me, one hot summer,
I seen a thing that knocked me flat -
Fourteen foot long or more than that,
It was a reg'lar hummer!
Lay right along a sort of bog,
Just like a log!

"The ugly thing was lyin' there
And not a sign o' movin',
Give any man a nasty scare;
Seen nothin' like it anywhere
Since I first started drovin'.
And yet it didn't scare my dog.
Looked like a log!

"I had to cross that bog, yer see,
And bluey I was humpin';
But wonderin' what that thing could be
A-lyin' there in front o' me

[...] Read more

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The Shearer's Cook

Now, shearers' cooks, as shearers know,
Are very seldom wont to blow;
But when I took to dabbing tar
And "picking-up" on Blaringar,
The cook, when "barbers" came at morn
To get a snack, would say, with scorn:
"Tea on the left,
Coffee on the right,
Brownie on the bunk, and blast yez!"

The "bunk" or slab was in the hut,
And on it "brownie" ready cut;
Two buckets o'er the fire would be -
One filled with coffee, one with tea;
And when the chaps came filing in
The cook would say, with mirthless grin:
"Tea on the left,
Coffee on the right,
Brownie on the bunk, and blast yez!"

[...] Read more

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Daley's Dorg 'Wattle

"You can talk about yer sheep dorgs," said the man from Allan's Creek,
"But I know a dorg that simply knocked 'em bandy! -
Do whatever you would show him, and you'd hardly need to speak;
Owned by Daley, drover cove in Jackandandy.

"We was talkin' in the parlour, me and Daley, quiet like,
When a blow-fly starts a-buzzin' round the ceilin',
Up gets Daley, and he says to me, 'You wait a minute, Mike,
And I'll show you what a dorg he is at heelin'.'

"And an empty pickle-bottle was a-standin' on the shelf,
Daley takes it down and puts it on the table,
And he bets me drinks that blinded dorg would do it by himself -
And I didn't think as how as he was able!

"Well, he shows the dorg the bottle, and he points up to the fly,
And he shuts the door, and says to him - 'Now Wattle!'
And in less than fifteen seconds, spare me days, it ain't a lie,
That there dorg had got that insect in the bottle."

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The Great Australian Adjective

The sunburnt ---- stockman stood
And, in a dismal ---- mood,
Apostrophized his ---- cuddy;
"The ---- nag's no ---- good,
He couldn't earn his ---- food -
A regular ---- brumby,
----!"

He jumped across the ---- horse
And cantered off, of ---- course!
The roads were bad and ---- muddy;
Said he, "Well, spare me ---- days
The ---- Government's ---- ways
Are screamin' ---- funny,
----!"

He rode up hill, down ---- dale,
The wind it blew a ---- gale,
The creek was high and ---- floody.
Said he, "The ---- horse must swim,

[...] Read more

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