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Vanessa Grixti

The Two

I'm the one
for everybody.
Sad.
No one is
the one
for me.

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Crippled Ambition

I need to become something.
Sorry.
I'm busy
becoming
something,
anything.

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Primary and Secondary

Some people
fall in love together
and stay there together.

Some people fall in love
and stay there
alone.

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Simply put

Jokes get old.
But stay funny.
Love stories don't get old
and they don't always
stay sad.

We could have been
a funny
perpetually happy
love story.
But I got old
to you.

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An Ailment Called Myself

I am trouble spelled out to sound like innocence,
a clever decoy to pose my cruel decisions as good intent.
Peel back my soft edges
and you will find broken glass, bullets and evil things.
I hide the dangerous parts of me so well
my favourite role to play is the victim.
Always the one being hurt
and never doing any of the hurting
but behind hazy eyes
and battered confidence
lies oceans of dishonesty
skies of infidelity
and a universe of an entirely different woman.
I am never
who you think
I am.

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That which we are ruled by

The hands on the clock
weigh a thousand pounds
from holding up all these fervent lives
Time, no one ever ruled the world
quite like you can
Wearing your crown
comprised of everyone's regrets
Time is a friend of mine
that I never see
but I can always feel the pressure
of his company
I admire his loyalty
Never letting a moment pass him by
and I know he holds hands
with both life and death
because they all need each other
in order to exist
Time makes the idea of infinite
so intangible
but we owe him the world

[...] Read more

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Broken Explanation

It's 6: 00 AM
and I have not slept yet.
I am too busy dancing with the devils in my head.

As I write this
my grip is the loosest
it has been in months.

The thoughts that rattle inside my mind
keep me quietly insane.
They know something
that might make the
flowers weep.

I have a friend named depression
and we reacquaint ourselves
with every change of the season.
Because of him
I have grown to love the sadness
far more than I love the people.

[...] Read more

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A half true poem

I have taken the role
as the sad writer
who loves too much
and always gets
their heart broken
No.
I'm crueler than that.
I use my broken heart
to hide all of my
own mistakes.
Kissing and fucking
and trying to
find love
in another bed.
You didn't know anything.
Don't trust me
I play nice and act kind
and speak gently
but I'm crueler than
you could ever be.

[...] Read more

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The Mark On My Heart

I once woke up to Love
he was humming happily
as he paced around an unfamiliar room
and when we spoke it sounded like magic
and we both knew but never said it.
A few words into the conversation and
I already knew he could reach his hand out
palm facing up
ask for my heart
and I'd hand it over without hesitance.
I simply know love when I see it.
Magnificent love it could have been
but now you're floating around the world
searching for that missing piece you always talk about
well maybe it's me.
I'm a sliver in your brain and you're a bullet in mine
and we are always cursing the hands of time.
You told me you're as free as a bird
however free they can be.
But you're some sort of angel in a dishevelled disguise.

[...] Read more

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Beneath the Seasons

We have not yet adjusted to the cold,
our skin still raw from summer sun.
We breathed in our flaws months ago,
let them cloud up our lungs
and only now have we begun to exhale
the air surrounding us is filled with our weakness.
I reach my hand out to touch you
I can see it but god damn
I can't feel it.
I can't feel you.
Far too many moonlit mistakes made
in thick humidity
with wind on our skin.
We thought maybe if we held our breath long enough
the summer air would dwell within us
But this autumn breeze
has a way of stealing
the purity from under me
If any remains at all.
I stare inside myself,

[...] Read more

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