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Tim Vine

Velcro: what a rip-off.

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Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

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I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

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I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

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I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

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You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

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