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Steve Allen

The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake.

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Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized.

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Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics.

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If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war.

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Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

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Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.

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I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind.

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One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.

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In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.

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Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

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