The Bagpipe Who Didn’t Say No
It was nine o'clock at midnight at a quarter after three
When a turtle met a bagpipe on the shoreside by the sea,
And the turtle said, 'My dearie,
May I sit with you? I'm weary.'
And the bagpipe didn't say no.
Said the turtle to the bagpipe, 'I have walked this lonely shore,
I have talked to waves and pebbles--but I've never loved before.
Will you marry me today, dear?
Is it 'No' you're going to say dear?'
But the bagpipe didn't say no.
Said the turtle to his darling, 'Please excuse me if I stare,
But you have the plaidest skin, dear,
And you have the strangest hair.
If I begged you pretty please, love,
Could I give you just one squeeze, love?'
And the bagpipe didn't say no.
Said the turtle to the bagpipe, 'Ah, you love me. Then confess!
Let me whisper in your dainty ear and hold you to my chest.'
And he cuddled her and teased her
And so lovingly he squeezed her.
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Somebody Stole My Rig
I'm haulin' twenty tons of freight into New York state
Started thinkin' bout Mary Jane
She lived over the hill I had an hour to kill I thought I'd get in out of the rain
Oh my she looked so fine had a bottle of wine
I'd have myself a little bitty swig
Then I heard wheels on the cinders and I ran to the windows
And somebody stole my rig
Oh oh oh somebody stole my rig somebody stole my rig
Heard wheels on the cinders and I ran to the windows
And somebody stole my rig
And when I called up the cops told 'em I tried to stop 'em
And nobody answered the phone
And so I called up my honey told her send me bus money
She said don't bother comin' home
And so I called the boss and said the load was lost
I thought he's gonna flip his wig
Yeah a moment quick enjoyment now I'm back on unemployment
Cause somebody stole my rig
Oh somebody stole my rig somebody stole my rig
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Floobie Doobie Doo
As I walk down to Bishop Street I met a girl who smiled so sweet
Now she was young and pretty too
And on a string she walked with a thing called the Floobie Doobie Doo
Oh the Floobie Doobie Doo now what is that it ain't no dog and it ain't no cat
It's not the doll with eyes of blue
I never seen such a thing as thing called the Floobie Doobie Doo
It had one tooth five purple toes sixteen elbows and a twelve-foot nose
You never see one in the Zoo
I mean a thing like a thing on a string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
I told that girl lemme take you home and maybe we can be alone hahaha
She said I'd love to go home with you
But I have to cling to my thing on the string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
Well I took her home that very night we talked a while and I dimmed the light
She cuddled close and the next thing I knew
Just as soon as it seen us in between us jumped the Floobie Doobie Doo
It stayed all night it stayed all year I never got to hold you near
I said sweet baby I wanna cling to you
But she wanna cling to the thing on the string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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They Held Me Down
It was Sat night at the slammer the gavel was falling like a hammer
As they dragged in every freak from off the road
One by one they entered the cell and the stories that they had to tell
Were all different but all seemed to end on the very same note
They held me down and put it on my nose they even sprinkled a little bit on my clothes
Yeah I know what you're thinkin' but I ain't one of those
No they held me down and put it in my nose
This wino in the corner got up and shook himself out
He said wWell they held me down and poured it down my throat
That's what they did
They even planted the bottle in my coat anybody want some
Yeah… the reason why my pants so wet yes they pushed me off the boat
After they held me down and poured it down my throat
And this chick in the next cell she said I heard you guys talking
And let me tell you something he held me down and he put it you know where
Ohhhh… I told him I was a virgin but he didn't care noooo the pig
Ahhhh you see his wallet's in my purse what's it doing there
He held me down and put it you know where
And then this cat got up well he half got up
He lifted his head and ae said hey man hey held me down and they put it in my vein
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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For What She Had Done
She had to die.
This Omoo knew.
He also knew he could not kill her.
Not even try to kill her.
Those eyes. Would look at him. Not even try.
So, what to do?
There was one Ung. Who lived in a cave.
Beyond the hard mountain. A foul cave.
Far from the village.
Ung, who hunted with stones.
Who killed with his hands.
Who had killed two saber-tooths.
And one great bear, whose skin he now wore hanging from his hairy shoulders.
And Ung had killed men. Many men.
And, it was said, a woman.
Ung, who took the fresh meat left upon the flat rock for the Spirit of the Sky.
And the Spirit of the Sky would go hungry.
And bring pain and darkness to the village.
But none dare say words to Ung.
Who had killed two saber-tooths.
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Cloony The Clown
I'll tell you the story of Cloony the Clown
Who worked in a circus that came through town.
His shoes were too big and his hat was too small,
But he just wasn't, just wasn't funny at all.
He had a trombone to play loud silly tunes,
He had a green dog and a thousand balloons.
He was floppy and sloppy and skinny and tall,
But he just wasn't, just wasn't funny at all.
And every time he did a trick,
Everyone felt a little sick.
And every time he told a joke,
Folks sighed as if their hearts were broke.
And every time he lost a shoe,
Everyone looked awfully blue.
And every time he stood on his head,
Everyone screamed, 'Go back to bed!'
And every time he made a leap,
Everybody fell asleep.
And every time he ate his tie,
Everyone began to cry.
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Aphrodisiac
Now, listen to me, folks...
Hear what I say.
You got to eat oysters everyday
They'll put your love life back on track
They're nature's own aphrodisiac.
Ohh, ohhh... yes it's true
What a little oyster can do for you.
Ohh, ohhh... ain't it fun
Here's some things them oysters done...
They made Jim Beam
They made Allen Thick
They made Jonathan Swift
And they made Gracie Slick
They made Victor Mature
And they made Tom Petty
They started Willie Waylon
And they got Helen Reddy.
They made Tom Cruise
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Folk Singer's Blues
Well, I'd like to sing a song about the chain gang
And swingin' twelve pound hammers all the day,
And how a I'd like to kill my captain
And how a black man works his life away, but...
What do you do if you're young and white and Jewish?
And you've never swung a hammer against a spike?
And you've never called a water boy
Early in the morning
And your only chain is the chain that's on your bike? Yes,
Your only chain is the chain on your bike.
Now I'd like to go a-walkin up the highway
Feelin' cold and wet and hungry all night long,
Doin' some hard ramblin', hard gamblin', hard smamblin', hard blamblin'
But always takin' time to write a song. But...
What do you do if you're young and white and Jewish?
And you never heard an old freight whistle blow?
And you've never slept the night
In a cold and empty box car
And you take a subway everywhere you go? Oh, oh...
You take the subway everywhere you go.
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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The Worlds Greatest Smoke Off
In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake,
You probably knew her well
She was stoned 15 of her 18 years
And her story was widely told,
That she could smoke 'em faster
Than any dude could roll
Well her legend finally reached New York
That grove street walk up flat
Where dwelt the Calistoge Kid,
a beatnik from the past
He'd been rolling dope since time began
And he took a cultured toke and said
'Jim, I can rollem faster than any chick can smoke'
So a note gets sent to San Raphael
For the Championship of the World
The Kid demands a smoke off
'Well bring him on' sayz Pearl
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Dance To It
Well hey Miss Go-Go won't you stop for a minute
Cause the song you dance to it got somethin' in it
There's a lotta things those long funny words can teach ya
Yeah but the words don't reach ya
Oh where you're goin' you dance to it you dance to it
You bop slop flop around and prance right to it
When the trouble comes along they say nobody gave you a chance
But all you wanna do is dance dance dance yeah dance on
Well I'm not askin' you to do things my way I'm not tellin' you to do what I say
I'm not tellin' you to grab a lotta things that you're missin' it would be nice to listen
But you go and you dance to it xour box slot slop around and prance right through it
When the end comes you'll say nobody gave you a chance
But all you wanna do is dance dance dance dance dance dance yeah
Why don't you open your ears the man's sayin' somethin' to ya
Open your eyes the man's showin' somethin' to ya
Open your mind the man's tellin' somethin' in you but what do you do
You go and dance to it you dance to it
Your box slot slop around and prance right through it
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poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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