Thumbsucker
I met her on a corner in Duluth
(That’s the truth.)
She was tryin’ to fix her shoe in a telephone booth
(Her name was Ruth.)
She said she was just waiting for a bus
But I hid my thumb cause I knew just what she was,
And I ain’t gonna let no thumbsucker such my thumb.
It’ll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb.
It’ll make you crawl and climb the wall
Leave you without no thumb at all.
So I ain’t gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb.
I’ll tell you what them thumbsuckers like to do.
They suck your thumb till it’s wrinkled like a prune
They’ll say you’ve got the sweetest thumb of all
But then they suck the thumb of the guy livin’ down the hall
That’s why I ain’t gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb
(etc. . . etc. . . until finally giving in.)
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Drain My Brain
Unwind my mind oh baby drain my brain
Unscrew my head take a part of my heart
Scrape away the pain and start all over again
I tell you baby I don't understand just how you can make love to me
While you're lookin' at the picture of another man
You got me talkin' to my elbow climbin' up the wall
First you tell me you despise me then you say you idolize me
Then you tell me you can't use me at all
Unwind my mind...
[ guitar ]
Unwind my mind...
I tell you baby I just can't go on
The hung up way that we're livin' while I'm doin' all the givin'
You keep on callin' me John
First you messin' with Charlie and then you jivin' with Jim
And I know you need a father but I really can't bother
Bein' all those other guys plus him
Unwind my mind...
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Twistable Turnable Man
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable
Stretchable Foldable Man.
He can crawl in your pocket or fit your locket
Or screw himself into a twenty-volt socket,
Or stretch himself up to the steeple or taller,
Or squeeze himself into a thimble or smaller,
Yes he can, course he can,
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable
Stretchable Shrinkable Man.
And he lives a passable life
With his Squeezable Lovable Kissable Hugable
Pullable Tugable Wife.
And they have two twistable kids
Who bend up the way that they did.
And they turn and they stretch
Just as much as they can
For this Bendable Foldable
Do-what-you're-toldable
Easily moldable
Buy-what you're-soldable
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Lady Godiva
Hey Lady Godiva, ridin´ through the town
Naked on your big white horse
With your long hair hangin´ down
Lady Godiva, you say you´re really frightened
and so shy
I hate to bust your bubble but you
Sure picked a funny place to hide
Hey Lady Godiva, lookin´ for a place
Where no one wants your body
And nobody knows your face
Lady Godiva, you say you wanna be loved
For what´s inside
I don´t know much about horses but you
Sure picked a funny place to ride
Every man´s just a clutchin´ hand
Reachin´ out to grab you
Every man´s a quiverin´ lance
Tryin´ hard to stab you - don´t let ´em nab you
Hey Lady Godiva, lookin´ kind of scared
You showed ´em all your talents
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Whatif
Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Makin' It Natural
I'm gonna throw my grass out the window
Crumple up my papers too
Give away my speed, Cause all I'm gonna need
Is just a little bit of love from you
And we'll be makin' it natural
And ain't it just about time
That stuff I was so keen on
I no longer have to lean on
Cause your love's enough to keep me high
Now if any you heads want some Panama red
All you gotta do is to reach out your hand
I'll trade my stash for just about enough cash
To buy a simple golden wedding band
And we'll be makin' it natural
But don't you ask me how
It's been the cause of all my sorrow
But I think I'll start tomorrow
'Cause I sure could use a hit right now
But I'll throw it out the window, some day
Give away my cocaine
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh
Never bite a married woman on the thigh oh my
Cause she just can't rub it off no matter how she'll try
And when she gets home at night her man will ask her why
Then she'll say it's just a birthmark or some other silly lie
But he'll get suspicious and then he will start to pry
Then she'll get hysterical and she will start to cry
And he'll say I don't blame you but tell me who's the guy
So she'll admit to everything and he will say bye-bye
And he'll buy an airline ticket and he'll fly across the sky
And then he'll come and find you and he'll punch you in the eye
Then he'll rent a cheap hotel room and he'll hang himself with his tie
And when she gets the news she'll take an overdose of sleeping
Tablets and she's gonna lie on the couch and die
So never never never never never never never bite a married woman on the thigh
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Paranoid
Everybody says I'm paranoid they all think I'm crazy
They all smile to my face but they'd like to see me die
They put poison in my coffee they put ground glass in my oatmeal
They put spiders in my tennis shoes and shit in my pecan pie
It's hard to stop and figure out where did it all begin
You see my father wanted a little girl and my mother wanted twins
And my grandpa admired Hitler so everything I did was wrong
And I'm gonna stop now cause even though you're smilin' I know you hate this song
Yeah and I know you're only listenin' cause you don't wanna hurt my feelin's
And you're just waitin' for me to leave so you can laugh about my open fly
You put the poison in my coffee you put the ground glass in my oatmeal
You put the spiders in my tennis shoes and you shit in my pecan pie
I know don't deny it I know I know I know
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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On The Way To The Bottom
On the way to the bottom
I met an ole friend of mine
He said 'Buddy, I do believe
this is the end of the line'
I said 'The end of the line'
Shoot, come on and have another round
And if we're headin' for the bottom
We still got a long way down
On the way to the bottom
We make a lot of stops
And we'd meet a lot of fools
Just a bustin' their hearts
On the way to the top
Pass me another bottle
And turn down the lights
Forget about tomorrow, baby
We're gonna rumble tonight
I'll wear my low heeled boots
You wear your taffeta gown
and if we're heading for the bottom
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Ticklish Tom
Did you hear 'bout Ticklish Tom?
He got tickled by his mom.
Wiggled and giggled and fell on the floor,
Laughed and rolled right out the door.
All the way to school and then
He got tickled by his friends.
Laughed till he fell off his stool,
Laughed and rolled right out of school
Down the stairs and finally stopped
Till he got tickled by a cop.
And all the more that he kept gigglin',
All the more folks kept ticklin'.
He shrieked and screamed and rolled around,
Laughed his way right out of town.
Through the country down the road,
He got tickled by a toad.
Past the mountains across the plain,
Tickled by the falling rain,
Tickled by the soft brown grass,
Tickled by the clouds that passed.
[...] Read more
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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