Who I Am
i know who i am
im dark and quiet
creative and myself
dont care what people say
i dont care what they think
my piercings, my make up and cloths
are expressions but just my outter shell
look passed all of that and you will see the real me
the girl who loves tattoo's, piercings
stormy weather and poetry
the dark hearted girl you see on the outside
is only part of me
you may think im trouble and cold
i admit im troubled and the reasaults are the scars
that i bare on my wrists and the reason for my invisablity
not scared to be hurt im used to the pain
scared of being left for dead in the cold
hung out to dry and forgotten there
i may look mean but its the wall i put up
the wall no one gets passed
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Over Dose
As i got into the van i smelled weed
sweet weed the one thing i craved
as my best friend looked at me
she took 3 hits and passed it to me
i took a look at it and as i took a hit
i began to smile
the wanting for it was gone
with every hit i could feel my troubles leaving
we passed it around till it was done
then we went to the store and bought a 40
as me and my friend passed it back and forth
the horrible taste sat in my mouth
once again i craved weed
she rolled another and passed it back
i took more hits ever time
i got a little sick but kept going
i drank more too
the next day was the same
we smoked 5 joints
drank a whole bottle of whine
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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A Personal Drug
I miss him so much
the temptation to express how much i want him
in every single way
gets stronger every day
i wish i could tell him how much i want to be in his arms
feel his kiss and touch once again
i lie awake at night wishing i could be with him
playing his voice over and over in my head
hes tempting like my own personal drug
hes so addictive
i cant get enough
hes all i want and all i need
his love surounds me like the deepest,
longest wildest ocean
he is so beautiful, so sweet so tempting
without him i am missing him so much
every moment makes me insaine
i want him so bad
my body trys to slow as dose my mind
my heart wants more and wants him close
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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No Escape
I try to brath but when i try i choke
my ribs are in pain cuz they are broken
as my eyes change color to fit my mood
a dark black they turn a tint of red
lingers through
my body temperatur rises
and i wake up in cold sweat
this pain i feel is hurtiung me
baby why cant you see
look at me and explain
everything else is so messed up now
i only have myself to blame
i know i am a monster
and i know i am mean
but i have 2 hearts
they pump slowly but atleast are alive
they have been through so much
i dont think they will survive
i try to talk but no sound comes out
whats wrong with me?
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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The Worrior
In my room i feel a great sadness
its like sleeping is no option
has no point
my mind blocks my will to dream
feeling nothing but sadness
floating through my body
resisting the eurge to cry
i wont let it take over me
refusing the impulse
to think of the person who encourages the sadness to spread
trying to block it all out
like a worrior fighting a battle on her own
as the monster she so desperatly fears moves toward her slowly
thinking it is unseen un hured
she knows its there and she uses one of her powers
one of the little she poses and knows
as she casts her spell on the demon infront of her
face to face they are
trying to make her demon fall like hard rain
even though she feels alone
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Andrew-in loveing memmorie part one
Lying in bed as
my heart beat slow
i could feel yours on my side
i talked to you
i knew you could hear me
i miss the way your heart beat
i miss when you moved in my stomach
when i found out i was going to have you
i thought to myself i get to be a mom
and i have always wanted that
due in april you were supposed to be
but then the earth took you away from me
i couldnt feel your heart beat
as i knew there was something wrong
my stomach hurts so bad and i cried for so long
seems like just yesterday i would sing and
youd push on my ribs if i stopped
how you loved to hear my voice
from the moment i knew you were there
i loved you like you were already here
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Path Of You
Once upone a late summer I walked down a path
Drunk that night I could not think but i remember
You, me (two starangers) and three of our friends in a park some time befor December
I stayed with you there on a hill
We layed on grass as you told me what you knew of the stars
Over the short time we had I felt closer to you
One day I never thought would come
You told me you were leaving
I was more then devistated
I was so much more then stunned
I saw you unexpectedly one last time befor you left
I remember the sad goodbye and the tears I cried that I hid from you
After 6 months in December it was
You suprised me and came back
When I hured your voice and saw you I remembered what I felt befor was true love
We have our ups
We have are downs
Even still today I can count on you cause im glad your around
Our story has barly started and I know theres more to come
I cant wait any longer till our baby arrives
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Air
the air is warm yet feels cold to me
as i smoke my cig and try to breath
thinking and crying tears of white
as the tears roll down my cheeks i think
i think of why the world is changing so much
and why things go bad
i realize good things go bad
to teach you a lesson you must learn
and no matter how much you get hurt
learning these lessons
it all works out so you know
wiping my eyes and earasing all sighns of sadness
i put my smoke out and take one last look at the sky
wondering who's feeling the way i am
i know everyone goes through it
but some times stuff gets out of controle
if things are supposed to get this bad
will they get way better after?
like a loss of air from my lungs
my heart pounds and my chest hurts
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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The Pain I Forgot
It all started with my man and i sitting at the hospital waiting for blood test results to see what was happening to me
suddenly after hours of waiting the doctor came in and said congratulations your pregnant
months went by i still think of him as my most beautiful surprise
some days were hard others were easy most flew by
so im 3 days past my due date
been in back labor for 5 days
it hurts and its crazy
woke up to contractions at 11: 00
went to the hospital they said your 2 cm dilated
and we know your contractions are 4 mins appart
so go home try to walk as much as you can
walked for a half hour around the house contractions got 2 mins appart
they took me bk i was 4 an a half cm i said look just give me the epadural
they came back a half hour later my aunt kept saying sandy
blow out hunters birthday candles
they broke my water an gave me the epadural finally said ok its time to push
half way through the called in an expert
sandy dont panic but hes face up
now your gunna feel pressure just dont push
it wasnt pressure it was pain
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Andrew-in loving memory part two
sitting here thinking of how it felt when his heart beat against my side
and the pain i felt when he pushed on my ribs and back
oh the fuss he made when i ate something he didnt like
i cant help but wonder would he have been like me?
would he have been like his dad?
or a bit like both
i dunno but i wish i could have
helled him in my arms just once
and hear his soft cry's
his dad would have wanted him too
i miss andrews heart beat an
i miss the feel of his push on my spine
i wish i could have hured his laugh
and played with his feet
i sung to him and
talked to him all the time
when he was in my stomach
i am left to wonder why he's gone?
why did he have to go befor he was born?
when i think of him i know hes there
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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