In The Snow
in the snow i walk looking at everything coated in beautiful white
thoughts run through my head so many i cannot count
as i watch the snow fall i realize that its as beautiful as life itself
as i watch the snow fall i think of her and how i wish she could be beside me to see what i see just one last time
i cant help but wonder if she thought of me
in the snow there is something in the air i know i feel it so nice
there is something about the snow and the air that makes me think of you
as i get where i want to go
and step inside
snowflakes fall gentally off my hood
as i pound my feet the snow falls off and i become warm
the snow and ice that clazes me melts and falls
i know i will have to walk in the snow again
poem by Sandy Vanity
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Cutters Lullaby
Go to sleep close your eyes and dream of broken butterfly's who tore their wings against a thorn you know the pain that they have born
silver metal shine so bright scarelet blood that feels so right
dream of blood trickeling down and wake up just befor you drown
the moonlight shining off your tears as you bleed out your own worst fears
so tonight when you start to cry whisper the cutters lullaby
hushaby baby your almost dead you dont have a pulse and your pillows red
your family hates you, your friends let you bleed, sleep tight with a knife its all that you need
rockabye baby broken and scared you didnt know life would be so hard
time to end the pain you hide so well and down will come baby stright back to hell.
poem by Sandy Vanity
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World of frustration
I sit in this world
with so much around me
thoughts of sertain things invade my mind
with a heart filled to the top with darkness
and eyes full of pain and sorrow
i walk this earth invisable to others
no one see the real me
hiding inside a world of darkness
obliviouse to sighns of life
numb feelings toward objects and others
one person in this worl gets me and knows who i am
he's my reason for living and so much more
im sick of the problems
this world is so frusturating
but yet he is my escape
i find myself wanting to die because of other reasons
the thought of wanting to be alive over powers the craving
to lye benieth the preciouse earth
so i await the day i am six feet under
i love walking this earth with the one i love
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Life And Feeling
like a soldier im in war
my enamy is life and feeling
the hole i dug next to my trench
is where i shall lye my feelings
and lye myself in the end of the battle
i took shots at life and feeling
my whole exsistance
the battle i am loseing
crouched in my trench
as rain, tears and pain are falling
heavily drenching me
my scars lay up my arms
showing where my blades have slit
life and feelin take another effective shot at me
hitting me in the hearts
i am bleeding bad but i wont give up the war
till the enamys are difeated
the wounds are bleeding as so much pain fills me up inside
i am fearless of the battle and fait i may suffer i am alone
with only myself fighting with all my might
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Be The Same
After saying what you said
it wont be the same
i cant eat
i cant sleep
its driving me insaine
this pain i feel
my hearts jump
with the barbed wier bungie cord
they hit the pit of my stomach
and drowned in the acid
my hearts scream but i cannot help
for i am dead myself
they shoot back up
and the wire gets tighter
my heart beats slowly
as my wrists crave my blade
i think about it i want it so bad
but cuz you hurt me
my eyes turned black
my blood runs cold
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Cutts
My cutts are deep
they bleed so slowly
as my tears fall
i feel so much hate inside
thought in my head strike like lightening
the blad runs over my wrists over and over
screaming inside as it hits the vains
and pops them
one by one i let it sink in
once again i have completed my self mutilation
in order to make the pain other things cause go away
as the pain over powers my desire to care
everything stops and slipps slowly away
everything piles up like bricks on my back
i finally have enough and cant stand it anymore
mutilated of myself is the only way to make it leave
it is my resourt
i love the pain the adrenalin rush
my heart skipping beats
sufficating me slowly
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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My Guitar And A Penutbutter Jar
I sit and play my guitar all day
as my fingers lay on the strings so tight
strumming it lightly
make sounds of pain
my fingers are bleeding but i dont care
the pain i feel inside is much stronger
why am i still alive?
can i take this any longer?
his voice tells me to keep playing on
my hearts want to die after my last song
i reach for the jar of penutbutter
they say there is happyness at the bottom
but they lie
the only thing i have left
is my guitar and an empty penutbutter jar
scrapping at the bottom as it keeps me busy
my hearts are screaming PICK UP THE BLADE! !
dont put it down because its the only happeness you will ever know
its hard to stop some times i give in and do it
the blood flowing from my wrist to my guitar
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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Pain
Like the pain in my trick arm
the pain i feel is my heart beating
and my muffled breathing
i stand outside staring at the sun
having my morning cigarrette
smiling at the earth that lay so cool around me
people walk by but do they see that my smile
is just my cover
do they see the pain inside
im complicated and hard to read
like the scars on my wrists my smiles fade
like the fresh blood they bleed
a new thought comes into mind
the blood stains like the marked impresion
on my heart of all the things i love
and all the ppl i care for
when i look back now and see
all the pain i have caused others
and the pain they have caused me
it breakes my heart to remember how cold
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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A gift from you
In all of my life I swear I have never known love like you give me
The feeling i get when i wake up next to you
I lay there and watch you sleep sometimes and think your so cute
I am so lucky to have you
But what makes it all come together is the piece that we were missing
You gave me a beautiful baby boy two months till hes here
Cant wait to see him look at you
I know you will be a great teacher to him and his hero too
Just never forget your my hero too
You gave me my life back and showed my feelings i never even knew I had
To you I am grateful and you make me glad
You have given me happiness in every way
I love being with you every day
And I know our son was not planned
And all the changes are so quick its like you didnt get to grab
But I hope things will settle soon
Even though I know life is always changing
Making life different for us
Just know that no matter what happens I will always love you
poem by Sandy Vanity
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Inside Stran
i feel down at rock bottom
i look dead as if i have been laid to rest for a while
but here i stand feeling and looking as i do
my heart still beats and my eyes still reflect
the expression on my face
like a faital error being pushed through my vains
a grim expression of darkness
as i look around my eyes change from a soft honey brown
to to a cold hazel
quiet and tired not a sound
i am not as dead on the inside as i am outside
on the inside there is a single stran of life
awaiting the time to grow
when my eyes well up with tears
outside clouds gather quickly
as drops roll down my face
cause the urge to hold them back weakens
it starts to rain outside
the harder i cry makes the rain inside the clouds pour
as time goes by slowly and warped
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poem by Sandy Vanity
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