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S.J. Perelman

I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.

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Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.

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Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

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Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin .. it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

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He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.

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I tried to resist his overtures, but he plied me with symphonies, quartettes, chamber music, and cantatas.

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The fact is that all of us have only one personality, and we wring it out like a dishtowel. You are what you are.

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I'll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they've gone, I'll get along. I started off living on gruel, and by God, I can always go back to it again.

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Their the waiters' eyes sparkled and their pencils flew as she proceeded to eviscerate my wallet - pt, Whitstable oysters, a sole, filet mignon, and a favorite salad of the Nizam of Hyderabad made of shredded five-pound notes.

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