Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

quote by Phyllis Diller
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!