Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

quote by Phyllis Diller
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

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There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

quote by Phyllis Diller
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