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Lewis Black

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

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All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

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Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

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There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.

Lewis Black in Black on Broadway (2004)Report problemRelated quotes
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It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!

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If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.

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In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

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And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.

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A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'

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If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.

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