There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
Lewis Black in Black on Broadway (2004)
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.
quote by Lewis Black
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!