I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.

quote by Jay London
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My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

quote by Jay London
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I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

quote by Jay London
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At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?

quote by Jay London
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I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

quote by Jay London
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My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

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I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

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I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

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They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

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I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

quote by Jay London
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