If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

quote by Jackie Mason
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

quote by Jackie Mason
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I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

quote by Jackie Mason
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Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

quote by Jackie Mason
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It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

quote by Jackie Mason
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

quote by Jackie Mason
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?

quote by Jackie Mason
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