During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were 'just going down to the corner.'

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You know what would make a good story Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

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We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap

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If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.

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I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes Hey, better try the emergency brake

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Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.

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Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

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I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.

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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

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