Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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Well, I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

quote by Gilbert Gottfried
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