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George Mikes

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

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Continental people have sex-lives the English have hot-water bottles.

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Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.

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On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

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When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles, - but never England.

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Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

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In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

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The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One group consists of less than 50 million people; the other of 3,950 million. The latter group does not really count.

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