In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

quote by Erma Bombeck
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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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