Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

quote by Erma Bombeck
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