Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

quote by Emo Philips
Added by Lucian Velea
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

quote by Emo Philips
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

quote by Emo Philips
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

quote by Emo Philips
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People always ask me, ""Where were you when Kennedy was shot?"" Well, I don't have an alibi.

quote by Emo Philips
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My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

quote by Emo Philips
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Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

quote by Emo Philips
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I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

quote by Emo Philips
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I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

quote by Emo Philips
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I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

quote by Emo Philips
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