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Emo Philips

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

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I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

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Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

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England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

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I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

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