I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
quote by Emo Philips
Added by Lucian Velea
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Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
quote by Emo Philips
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
quote by Emo Philips
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
quote by Emo Philips
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England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
quote by Emo Philips
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I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
quote by Emo Philips
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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
quote by Emo Philips
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
quote by Emo Philips
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
quote by Emo Philips
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