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Elayne Boosler

Only a weak mind seeks ultimate answers.

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When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

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To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

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Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

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When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

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Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

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You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

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