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Eddie Izzard

I'm a one-man idiot.

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Never put a sock in a toaster.

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I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

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I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

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They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

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If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

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Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

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MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

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So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

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